My birth story starts and ends like most others...nearly 40 weeks of
planning, anticipation, high emotions and great physical metamorphoses,
all of which lead to the main event of child labor (not to mention the
gift of a child!). It is the details in between that make my and every
other mothers story wonderfully, beautifully unique.
The night
was November 24th (my 30th birthday!) and we knew the baby's birthday
was going to be soon. We had been staying at my mothers house for the
last two weeks both because Katie pleaded with us not to leave after
the successful version and also to create a nest at the place we
intended to birth. My mother and her husband suggested that Ben and I
go out to dinner alone for my birthday and that they would watch Theo
for the night. So that is precisely what we did! Went to my favorite
restaurant The New Scenic Cafe up the north shore of Lake Superior. I
was anticipating the Butternut Squash Ravioli, but in my heart I knew I
needed all the protein I could get so I opted for a savory Salmon
fillet. It was a wonderful dinner and unbeknown to us, the last "alone"
dinner we would have in a long time!
It was about 9:30pm when
we got home. We chatted with my Mom and her Husband for a while and
then hopped into bed with Theo to watch a movie. As I was undressing to
get into my pajamas I started to get this really strange and slightly
painful cramp/ache in my upper inner thigh, a sensation I had never had
before. My mother noticed, as the cramping lasted for 20 minutes or so
on and off, asked if I was okay and said many times over that she was
sure "tonight was the night"! Nonetheless we watched our movie, with
the thigh ache gone, and then prepared for bed. It was about 1am and I
decided to go to the bathroom (as pregnant women often do!) and it was
in the bathroom that my water spontaneously broke with a slight bloody
show. With my first pregnancy, labor also began with SROM (spontaneous
rupture of membranes) as it did for my mother in her three pregnancies.
As can be expected, I was thrilled and felt my adrenaline kick in so
intensely that my legs were barely holding me up!
I ran into
our bedroom with a towel between my legs and whispered as to not wake
Theo, "Ben! My water broke...baby is near!". We called Katie and she
advised us to get the tub ready. Since she was our Midwife for our last
pregnancy, she knew that I would probably start contracting soon. I
woke my mother and her husband and the four of us transformed the
living room into our birth room. Although I had started contracting, I
knew it would still be a while so I decided not to fill the tub, only
to set it up, and also told everyone to go back to sleep. It was about
2pm by then and Ben and I decided to hop back into bed to gather
energy. Ben fell asleep right away, but I laid in bed excitedly working
through my rushes and meditating in between. At about 4:30, the rushes
were becoming too intense to lay in one place so I snuck out to the
"birth room" and essentially walked in circles. At about 5:30 my mother
and her husband got up and started filling the tub. It was at this
point that I really started to feel like I needed Ben...not for
anything in particular, but just to be there with me. So I woke him and
after about 20 minutes of him being awake I had him call Katie again.
The rushes were getting strong enough that I could not really talk
through them and pretty much had to be positioned on my hands and knees
or on my knees with my arms draped on the seat of the couch. Anne, our
fabulous Doula/birth assistant got to the house first and then Katie
got there at about 6:45am. Although I was still feeling good, I was
beginning to enter labor-land (a place you can only know if you have
been in labor!) and was very thankful to see both Anne and Katie.
Everything felt surreal...like the the worlds best "happiness" drugs
were entering my consciousness, while still letting my body feel the
intensity of hard work.
For the next hour I just did my thing,
while every one else prepared. I sang my birth-song (loud-deep moaning)
and kept imagining my uterus smiling...as if my cervix was the smile,
getting bigger and wider with every deep moan. I imagined I was
summoning my little boy fourth and into this world. At about 7:30 Katie
checked my dilation and discovered that I was only 3 cm, but 100%
effaced (this would be my only vaginal check...thankfully, because they
do not feel good!). I of course felt a bit discouraged, but ready to
take on what this labor-journey had to bring. At about 8am I started to
get pretty pukey so a bucket became my new favorite attachment.
After
the vomiting ceased, I started to get really tired and did not feel up
to eating anything, just small sips of water. So I decided to lie down
on a mattress we had in the room on the floor. It was only a matter of
minutes until I got into this really amazing pattern of having serious
contractions, which I was pretty much in the fetal position for, and
then sleeping in between. This very reality brings to light the amazing
and almost magical elements that make up labor and delivery. When else
can someone get actual sleep (for maybe 30 seconds to one minute at a
time) in between experiencing some of the most intense physical
sensations possible to human kind??!! Nonetheless, I did this for
nearly an hour...intense rush, sleep, intense rush, sleep, intense
rush, sleep. All the while, Anne was right by my side with her hand in
mine. I am not sure how I would have gotten through that time without
her.
At about 9:15 I was ready to wake up, get up and move on
to a new location. I remember thinking...okay, I am really ready to
bring this labor into a new realm...I am ready to kick it into high
gear. So I moved myself just 4 or 5 feet to the couch where I stood and
swayed my hips to the pulse of my contractions. It was only just a few
minutes until I started to feel "pushy".
My memory is that I
yelled out to anyone that would listen, "oh, he's coming. he's coming,
he's coming!". I could be wrong in that quote though because as anyone
who has given birth knows, the memories of labor are both brilliant but
also fantasy-like...foggy, subtle...as if you can remember the emotions
but not the actual occurrences...
I took off my pants, heard someone
suggest that I move to the tub and watched between my legs as some
blood and mucous started to emerge. I could feel his head deep in my
pelvis and hard on my butt. I knew this was it, it was the time to meet
my sweet babe. His hard little head was moving down slowly but surely
and the sensation made moving to the birth tub incredibly difficult.
Nonetheless, I made it to the tub with the help of someones arms and
body (labor-land made it near impossible to engage with the outside
world, thus the omission of an actual identity). As soon as I entered
the warmth of the 105 degree tub, my body both relaxed and opened wide.
I am not entirely sure how many times I pushed while in the hands and
knees position, but it was not many. Maybe 4 or 5? Strangely enough,
the only thing that caught my attention during the pushing phase, was
Theo peering over the edge of the pool. His big blue eyes were full of
curiosity, wonder and fear. During my final push, I was rather loud in
my birth-song and Theo started to cry and I remember telling him that
"mama was okay...no owies, baby-belly is coming". At least I think I
said those words! Another great memory I have from that time in the
tub, was when his head was crowning underwater and I could feel his
long and plentiful hair sweeping in the water and tickling my butt. I
verbalized this happening and got a rather loud reaction of laughter
from the on-lookers! Anne and Katie said that statement was going down
in "the quote book"!
Jasper emerged with delight and beautiful
color at 9:48am on November 25th. He was so gorgeous and tiny. As I
turned my body to see him, I exclaimed, "oh he's so little, oh my baby
is so little". And he was, weighing in at 6 pounds 7 ounces. He didn't
start to breathe right away, in fact it took him nearly 1 minute to
inhale for the first time. I saw my mother crying during this time and
I had no idea why. I fully realized that he was not breathing, but I
felt no fear...not an ounce. I knew he would breath. Without a doubt,
he would breath. And he did...though a bit slow to start, he color
remained beautiful and his APGAR were 8 and 10.
This birth was
in some ways more intense, but no less amazing, than Theo's birth. With
Theo, I think the progress from latent labor (1-4cm) to active labor
(4-10cm) was more even and steady. With Jasper, I dilated from 3cm to
10cm with a quick delivery in just a bit over two hours (and I snoozed
for some of that time!). That is pretty quick, even for a multiparous
woman (more than one child).
It may be curious why I have not
mentioned Ben, Theo, Katie, Anne and my mother for they all were there
and integral to the entire journey. I could never thank any of them
enough for their love, support and patience. The way in which each of
them was present was wonderfully subtle. My mother was tending to Theo
so that he could be involved, but not all over me. Ben was offering to
rub my back and told me I was doing wonderfully many, many times. Katie
was there silently offering me strong birthing vibes, while Anne held
my hand and whispered encouragements at my side. I must have given off
the energy that I wanted to be on my own, for this is what they allowed
for me to do...progress through in our (mine and the baby's) own way,
space and time. I knew they were there busily doing the
behind-the-scene work and/or watching and sending me energy for
strength and deep love and I believe this is the best gift they could
have given me at the time.
How lucky am I.
I wish every
woman could have the opportunity to birth at home, naturally and
surrounded by those that she loves most (and by those that are willing
to allow for the journey to unfold instead of control it).
That
being said, no matter how a mother's birth unfolds and no matter where
it my occur, birth truly is beautiful and amazing. I feel like I would
do it a million times over. However, in the end, birth is really only
the the beginning of what is beautiful and amazing. As you gaze at your
babe for the very first time, you see the future full of dreams, hope
and deep, deep love. As you watch that child grow, the dreams and hope
for the future never fade and the love only expands infinitely.
So
with that I close this chapter in my book, but not without first
sending every birthing mother one last wish: that she will trust in her
laboring body to do what it needs to do and to accept what she cannot
control. Learning to trust and to surrender are both integral to being
a mother and will never fail her no matter what her life may bring.
Peace and much love,
Brook
