My birth story starts and ends like most others...nearly 40 weeks of planning, anticipation, high emotions and great physical metamorphoses, all of which lead to the main event of child labor (not to mention the gift of a child!). It is the details in between that make my and every other mothers story wonderfully, beautifully unique.
The night was November 24th (my 30th birthday!) and we knew the baby's birthday was going to be soon. We had been staying at my mothers house for the last two weeks both because Katie pleaded with us not to leave after the successful version and also to create a nest at the place we intended to birth. My mother and her husband suggested that Ben and I go out to dinner alone for my birthday and that they would watch Theo for the night. So that is precisely what we did! Went to my favorite restaurant The New Scenic Cafe up the north shore of Lake Superior. I was anticipating the Butternut Squash Ravioli, but in my heart I knew I needed all the protein I could get so I opted for a savory Salmon fillet. It was a wonderful dinner and unbeknown to us, the last "alone" dinner we would have in a long time!
It was about 9:30pm when we got home. We chatted with my Mom and her Husband for a while and then hopped into bed with Theo to watch a movie. As I was undressing to get into my pajamas I started to get this really strange and slightly painful cramp/ache in my upper inner thigh, a sensation I had never had before. My mother noticed, as the cramping lasted for 20 minutes or so on and off, asked if I was okay and said many times over that she was sure "tonight was the night"! Nonetheless we watched our movie, with the thigh ache gone, and then prepared for bed. It was about 1am and I decided to go to the bathroom (as pregnant women often do!) and it was in the bathroom that my water spontaneously broke with a slight bloody show. With my first pregnancy, labor also began with SROM (spontaneous rupture of membranes) as it did for my mother in her three pregnancies. As can be expected, I was thrilled and felt my adrenaline kick in so intensely that my legs were barely holding me up!
I ran into our bedroom with a towel between my legs and whispered as to not wake Theo, "Ben! My water broke...baby is near!". We called Katie and she advised us to get the tub ready. Since she was our Midwife for our last pregnancy, she knew that I would probably start contracting soon. I woke my mother and her husband and the four of us transformed the living room into our birth room. Although I had started contracting, I knew it would still be a while so I decided not to fill the tub, only to set it up, and also told everyone to go back to sleep. It was about 2pm by then and Ben and I decided to hop back into bed to gather energy. Ben fell asleep right away, but I laid in bed excitedly working through my rushes and meditating in between. At about 4:30, the rushes were becoming too intense to lay in one place so I snuck out to the "birth room" and essentially walked in circles. At about 5:30 my mother and her husband got up and started filling the tub. It was at this point that I really started to feel like I needed Ben...not for anything in particular, but just to be there with me. So I woke him and after about 20 minutes of him being awake I had him call Katie again. The rushes were getting strong enough that I could not really talk through them and pretty much had to be positioned on my hands and knees or on my knees with my arms draped on the seat of the couch. Anne, our fabulous Doula/birth assistant got to the house first and then Katie got there at about 6:45am. Although I was still feeling good, I was beginning to enter labor-land (a place you can only know if you have been in labor!) and was very thankful to see both Anne and Katie. Everything felt surreal...like the the worlds best "happiness" drugs were entering my consciousness, while still letting my body feel the intensity of hard work.
For the next hour I just did my thing, while every one else prepared. I sang my birth-song (loud-deep moaning) and kept imagining my uterus smiling...as if my cervix was the smile, getting bigger and wider with every deep moan. I imagined I was summoning my little boy fourth and into this world. At about 7:30 Katie checked my dilation and discovered that I was only 3 cm, but 100% effaced (this would be my only vaginal check...thankfully, because they do not feel good!). I of course felt a bit discouraged, but ready to take on what this labor-journey had to bring. At about 8am I started to get pretty pukey so a bucket became my new favorite attachment.
After the vomiting ceased, I started to get really tired and did not feel up to eating anything, just small sips of water. So I decided to lie down on a mattress we had in the room on the floor. It was only a matter of minutes until I got into this really amazing pattern of having serious contractions, which I was pretty much in the fetal position for, and then sleeping in between. This very reality brings to light the amazing and almost magical elements that make up labor and delivery. When else can someone get actual sleep (for maybe 30 seconds to one minute at a time) in between experiencing some of the most intense physical sensations possible to human kind??!! Nonetheless, I did this for nearly an hour...intense rush, sleep, intense rush, sleep, intense rush, sleep. All the while, Anne was right by my side with her hand in mine. I am not sure how I would have gotten through that time without her.
At about 9:15 I was ready to wake up, get up and move on to a new location. I remember thinking...okay, I am really ready to bring this labor into a new realm...I am ready to kick it into high gear. So I moved myself just 4 or 5 feet to the couch where I stood and swayed my hips to the pulse of my contractions. It was only just a few minutes until I started to feel "pushy".
My memory is that I
yelled out to anyone that would listen, "oh, he's coming. he's coming,
he's coming!". I could be wrong in that quote though because as anyone
who has given birth knows, the memories of labor are both brilliant but
also fantasy-like...foggy, subtle...as if you can remember the emotions
but not the actual occurrences...
I took off my pants, heard someone
suggest that I move to the tub and watched between my legs as some
blood and mucous started to emerge. I could feel his head deep in my
pelvis and hard on my butt. I knew this was it, it was the time to meet
my sweet babe. His hard little head was moving down slowly but surely
and the sensation made moving to the birth tub incredibly difficult.
Nonetheless, I made it to the tub with the help of someones arms and
body (labor-land made it near impossible to engage with the outside
world, thus the omission of an actual identity). As soon as I entered
the warmth of the 105 degree tub, my body both relaxed and opened wide.
I am not entirely sure how many times I pushed while in the hands and
knees position, but it was not many. Maybe 4 or 5? Strangely enough,
the only thing that caught my attention during the pushing phase, was
Theo peering over the edge of the pool. His big blue eyes were full of
curiosity, wonder and fear. During my final push, I was rather loud in
my birth-song and Theo started to cry and I remember telling him that
"mama was okay...no owies, baby-belly is coming". At least I think I
said those words! Another great memory I have from that time in the
tub, was when his head was crowning underwater and I could feel his
long and plentiful hair sweeping in the water and tickling my butt. I
verbalized this happening and got a rather loud reaction of laughter
from the on-lookers! Anne and Katie said that statement was going down
in "the quote book"!
Jasper emerged with delight and beautiful color at 9:48am on November 25th. He was so gorgeous and tiny. As I turned my body to see him, I exclaimed, "oh he's so little, oh my baby is so little". And he was, weighing in at 6 pounds 7 ounces. He didn't start to breathe right away, in fact it took him nearly 1 minute to inhale for the first time. I saw my mother crying during this time and I had no idea why. I fully realized that he was not breathing, but I felt no fear...not an ounce. I knew he would breath. Without a doubt, he would breath. And he did...though a bit slow to start, he color remained beautiful and his APGAR were 8 and 10.
This birth was in some ways more intense, but no less amazing, than Theo's birth. With Theo, I think the progress from latent labor (1-4cm) to active labor (4-10cm) was more even and steady. With Jasper, I dilated from 3cm to 10cm with a quick delivery in just a bit over two hours (and I snoozed for some of that time!). That is pretty quick, even for a multiparous woman (more than one child).
It may be curious why I have not mentioned Ben, Theo, Katie, Anne and my mother for they all were there and integral to the entire journey. I could never thank any of them enough for their love, support and patience. The way in which each of them was present was wonderfully subtle. My mother was tending to Theo so that he could be involved, but not all over me. Ben was offering to rub my back and told me I was doing wonderfully many, many times. Katie was there silently offering me strong birthing vibes, while Anne held my hand and whispered encouragements at my side. I must have given off the energy that I wanted to be on my own, for this is what they allowed for me to do...progress through in our (mine and the baby's) own way, space and time. I knew they were there busily doing the behind-the-scene work and/or watching and sending me energy for strength and deep love and I believe this is the best gift they could have given me at the time.
How lucky am I.
I wish every woman could have the opportunity to birth at home, naturally and surrounded by those that she loves most (and by those that are willing to allow for the journey to unfold instead of control it).
That being said, no matter how a mother's birth unfolds and no matter where it my occur, birth truly is beautiful and amazing. I feel like I would do it a million times over. However, in the end, birth is really only the the beginning of what is beautiful and amazing. As you gaze at your babe for the very first time, you see the future full of dreams, hope and deep, deep love. As you watch that child grow, the dreams and hope for the future never fade and the love only expands infinitely.
So with that I close this chapter in my book, but not without first sending every birthing mother one last wish: that she will trust in her laboring body to do what it needs to do and to accept what she cannot control. Learning to trust and to surrender are both integral to being a mother and will never fail her no matter what her life may bring.
Peace and much love,
Brook
